Marriage is an institution designed by God to be practised by mankind. Though the circumstances of life differ from one person and place to another, the design for marriage remains God’s prototype for practising it. Unfortunately, marriage, as practised, leaves so much to worry about; and instead of returning to the original design, we are more inclined to evolving responsive solutions that are often reactionary, defensive or preemptive.
Unfortunately, Christian marriages seem to fail more these days. It seems like those who pledged allegiance to God and His word is more susceptible to their marriages failing from inside out. Why? Is it possible that having understood the heart of God concerning marriage, we are unable to meet up with His desires, no matter how hard we try because His definition seems different from our definition? Is it possible that our expectations, which may not be inspired by God, are putting major pressures on our unions as Christians? Is it possible that our instructors are outside the fold, voices speaking from sources we are not familiar with, whose postures are well-meaning, yet unknowingly brings much peril? Perhaps, like it was in the ‘Garden of Eden’, the ‘serpents’ is already whispering to the parties involved and they are acting out its counsel because it ‘makes sense’?
We cannot belong to God and be taking instructions and counsel from parties whose allegiance to God has major ‘question mark’ attached to it.
It is worthy of note that if the enemy were to come against our marriages and homes, in full regalia of war, he would suffer a major defeat because we, as Christians, are equipped to repel such aggression. Instead, the enemy would come with subtleties and deception; promoting lies, wrapped and packaged as truth. He comes with suggestions, opinions, inferences and comments from questionable and known sources; the only issue is that as good as these counsel sounds, they are not in tandem with God’s original design!
If you want your marriage to fulfil God’s purpose, you must pay attention to the following matters:
What brand of marriage do you want? God’s design or socially acceptable one?
Marriage, according to societal prescription is full of controversies. They are full of best practices that present gains on one hand and a whole lot of losses on the other. It is a mesh of complications; even the smartest and humblest people practising this type would eventually lose their steam. If you want God’s prescription, it is simply stated in Scriptures (Ephesians 5:22-33 (KJV)):
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and He is the Saviour of the body. Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies.
He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverences her husband.”
Why are you married to someone you do not consider GOD’s BEST or YOUR BEST?
Distrust, disloyalty and disrespect are the major reasons why most people fall out of intimacy with their spouses. These things have the capacity of an explosive that can destroy years of relationship in seconds because it spells betrayal and projects lack of value for the other person. Spouses to be, no matter how good you consider a fellow to be, if he or she cannot trust you, please stay away. If you consider someone else, outside your soon-to-be-marriage, of more value than your soon-to-be spouse, there is already a seed of trouble, waiting for a good ground to grow.
I have heard of marriages that lost their flame because what is considered as value to one is regarded as nothing to the other. It goes to say that common value system is primarily in the choice of who to walk with, in marriage. Wives, who make their pastors, or someone else aside from their husband, a more respected actor in their marriage would lose their marriage in the end; and husbands, who make their friends and family a more respected actor in their marriage would lose that marriage, it is only a matter of time.
In an atmosphere of love, let the LORD work on each of you. Let the Spirit of the LORD be your guide in life; define success by the LORD’s parameters!
To be continued. . .