The search for understanding is the wellspring of life. . . those who make their camp around understanding are ever-green and never in lack of what is needed.
But understanding is not an easy get. It requires a deliberate immersion in life’s processes till the ‘Why’ is clear enough for a decisive action. These processes sometimes do not invite us nicely; most times, we are thrust into them without consent and our choices are totally made for us.
Like in every other aspect of life, family is one of such intricately-woven processes we are thrust into. . . we don’t even get to choose which one we would like to belong to. So, the question is, since your debut in your family, how much of it have you understood? Since the multi-layered relationships that is nested in your family begun, what are your understanding from what you see and hear daily?
I put it to you that many of the dynamics in your immediate family may remain a mystery to you for all of your life, but you have been given the opportunity to craft the one in the family that you will begin, when you eventually get married? What are you learning from your present family that is informing your choices for your own family? Are you in reactionary responses or you are truly understanding what is happening so that you can make right choices for your own family?
Most of what challenges new families are extensions of the errors in families that produced the founders of these new families. It seems people just grow up to certain age and it is time to marry for them! Some don’t even understand what family is all about; many began theirs as a result of accidental pregnancy, while so many other are going about with a warped view of what this is all about. I have come to understand that understanding these TWO THINGS will save anyone from troubles in his or her new family.
1. KNOW AND UNDERSTAND YOUR ANCESTRY
The details of where you are coming from will help you make the right decisions and aid in shaping your new family to reflect God’s original and sustainable design. Do you even know what it means to be a father? Have you learnt that from home? Do you know what it means to be a mother? What version did you learn from home. What is your understanding of who a Husband is? What do you understand by the person referred to as Wife? If you are an Uncle, what does that mean? If you are a Niece, what does that mean? All these are meant to be learnt from your immediate family; how well your ancestry has performed in preparing you for these is everything. The good news is that the original design is not hidden, you can be restored to it if you have not been dealt a good hand so far.
2. CHOOSE YOUR SPOUSE (and your children, by extension) CAREFULLY
That man that would become your spouse carries the summation of all that he is (and would be) in his seed. It is beyond his present interpretation by society or you. That woman that would be your spouse carries in her the form that all you are would take. If you are not comfortable with what you see in your spouse [spouse to be], it is your first call to re-assess your choice. These things are more than mere feelings; this is destiny at stake! Your beautiful edifice on a faulty foundation will lead to eventual ruin; it will not matter how much is invested of you and by you.
If your ancestry is faulty or corrupted, then your choice of spouse will not be easy. If you lack understanding of where you are coming from, you will fail in greater measure in your own version of family. With understanding, you can bring restoration and re-order the chaos you are familiar with and create beauty that becomes the new seed for future reference; in the absence of it, you are not likely to have fun being alive…
Perhaps, it is time to understand you and your family, not just know them. Bring all your experience, so far, under the scrutiny of God’s original design, and see for yourself where the challenges are coming from. If you are not married yet, you are so favoured because you can eliminate darkness by your choice of light. If you are married already, you may have much to become and do, in restoring order that wasn’t agreed to from the beginning. . . but it is worth it.
Wherever you are, God’s restorative power can reach you. He can turn around all that you have been through and make a beauty out of your chaos. If you are in paradise already, with your family, sustain it by continuing the pattern you started it with. Understand you…then go after restoration to God’s original pattern for family. It is the only pathway to living eternally.