Counsel for Would-be Spouses (Men)

In recent times, I have found myself having a lot of conversations with single men (not many of ladies :-), about choosing a spouse and getting married (I guess ladies prefer to talk to women like them). As a matter of fact, so much burden has been heavy on my heart in this regard. So, I am just going to lay it bare here, as inspired on my heart by the Holy Spirit.

WARNING: These are not ‘Thus saith the LORD’! They are my understanding of the matter as I walk with God. Let the Spirit of the LORD lead you. Should any of this touch a part of you and you have a witness in your spirit about it, please make adjustments.

  1. Any lady that is bold enough to ask you for a relationship leading to marriage isn’t thinking you are what she wants… She see potential to become what she wants and since such potentials don’t come by often, she cant wait for you to see her…so she will ask.
  2. Such lady would not settle for anything less than her expectation…so they reach out for him with that potential but in a ‘work-in-progress’ state so that they are a part of the story when it is fully done…
  3. You will later in life realise that she is the kind of woman you want your wife to be (if you end up marrying someone else), who you didn’t marry because you cannot see beyond yourself…
  4. She is not going to be a regular woman, your struggle with such woman will be submission…because she will not take anything from you because you said it…you will have to prove it….even the word of God spoken to you will have to be proven for her to accept it as God’s word…over time (now you are getting upset abi?) Relax! You don’t need a moron for a wife, do you?
  5. With time, she would develop confidence in you and the word of God from your mouth…
    Until then, you will have to proof yourself
  6. When you are proven, there is nothing in this world that can change her perception of you, not even your weaknesses and believe me, you will show many!
  7. If you avoid such woman, there is a major place in life’s destiny you may not reach…because there is something in such woman that would propel you to reach it…that place is not for lean-livered people who likes to stay safe.
  8. If you marry the opposite of such woman, what you get is a woman who makes you the center of her world…. You will be happy and celebrated but your fall (if and when it happens) would be the end of you. You may not be able to rise again, because the weight of her expectations and the disappointment from setbacks would disappoint her and you will loose your value to her…if you did rise, you will be rising without her. You may even lose your confidence in true marriage.

  1. On the other side, the assertive one would rise to protect you if need be…she may not even do so for you, but for the vision you carry…She is committed to your commitments, not just you…Your failure is her failure, unlike the other one to whom your failure is yours

Now, having profiled these two divides, let me talk to you about you – gentleman…

  1. God will not give you His precious daughter if all you see is your vision and you
  2. His vision in you is not about you, you are not anointed for you, its is about others…What He wants to do in nations, He will do in your wife and children first. Two kingdoms came out of Rebecca’s womb. Later they would become nations. It starts with you!

If you feel you can do without her, especially if she changes her mind about you, then leave her now! You don’t like her enough! And you may not love her enough if God does not force you to, when you eventually marry her.

Until she becomes that missing part of you,
That part that you have been struggling to get a grasp of, now in order;
That part that always work below expectation, now made efficient,
She is not your wife!

If you will not chase her with all you’ve got,
Run after her and woo her relentlessly;
Stay with her until God says you have done enough,
God will not count you worthy of her.

She is precious to God, just as you are, her weaknesses notwithstanding and you cannot treat her as an option and expect God to respect you! How you treat every lady God brings your way will eventually determine who God will give to you.

Let me stop here for now. Ladies I am coming to you soon

(Reposted from 3 years ago)